6 weeks and 6 days

Yesterday was really bad. I woke up twice on Saturday night with big clots and what seemed (to me) like a lot of blood. I spent the day mostly on the couch, waiting for Monday.

This morning, I worked from home until it was time to go to the ultrasound. I was freaked. I felt sad because I should have been excited to see the results, but I was steeling myself for bad news. By the time we were in the u/s room, I was in despair. But Dr. H came in and could tell right away that something was wrong. I told him I've been bleeding. He was very reassuring and then got down to business.

The first thing he said was "well, you're still pregnant". And then pointed out the blood clot in my uterus that's causing the vaginal bleeding.

We've also got two (two!) egg sacs, but he was only able to see one clearly (because of my fibroids and the blood clot). The heartbeat on the one he could see was strong: 119 bpm.

But, since he couldn't really get a good look at the second egg sac, he said we could have one baby or we could have more. I asked him if there was a reason he didn't say "one or two" and he said there's a possibility that the second egg sac has two embryos, that the egg split in two after the transfer, resulting in identical twins. We were warned of this.

Anyway, we have another u/s scheduled for next Monday, when we'll know more about that second sac. In the meantime, I have to take it easy today and tomorrow (I'm working from home) and to stop with the baby aspirin. He also checked out the track marks on my butt and said I was actually doing well with the shots - not too lumpy.

Whew! As the Mr. says, two is better than none.

fear

I had a gift card for a facial and haircut (my regular hairdresser is on maternity leave until late May), so I cashed in today. In between the facial (lovely. included hot rock massage of my upper chest. oh. my. god.), I had to pee. After nothing much in the way of spotting for the last 24 hours, I wiped to find bright red. Red. Red water in the toilet.

I freaked, but went back for my haircut. I don't know what came over me, but I let him cut a good 5 inches off my hair. From down my back to brushing my shoulders.

Afterward, I came right home and called Dr. H's office. Again, the message service, but this time, the other doctor (not nurse practitioner) was on duty. P's doc. He was brusque. Said it didn't sound like a miscarriage. Said, if it was, there wasn't anything that we could do. Said 70% of women have bleeding during pregnancy. Suggested that I hang out in bed. Apparently, when you move (walk) around, the uterus has little contractions all the time and that, whatever's going on in there, the blood was coming out with the contractions. So, back to bed. This is getting a little old.

Monday: ultrasound. Maybe we'll find out what's going on.

and still

I'm still spotting. Very light, almost non-existant. But still. In the morning, when I get up, there's nothing. But 10 minutes later, a splotch of light brown/almost orange on my panty liner. And then virtually nothing the rest of the day. And, no cramps (aside from the weird, shifting-around feeling I've had for weeks). It's not freaking me out as much as before, but I wish it would stop. One possibility is that both embryos might have implanted (based on the high beta numbers), but one didn't make it.

I had a migraine yesterday morning. I was walking downtown and there it was, the visual distortion at the edge of my vision, the telltale sign of impending migraines. I'm lucky in that they aren't usually very painful. Just the visual disturbance that gets larger and larger, then goes away, followed by a low-grade ache in my head. This one was so mild (compared to say, kicking caffeine) that I didn't even need the Tylenol. I haven't had a migraine for years, so I looked it up and, sure enough, migraines can increase during pregnancy.

I decided to ride in and get a little exercise this morning. I haven't done anything since Sunday and the start of the spotting trauma. I hopped on my bike and oh! I still feel kind of funky from the raging yeast infection (I finished the medication on Tuesday night). Oh, please let this go away!

Ultrasound on Monday. Fingers crossed.

anxiety

Yesterday, I started spotting. Dark brown. Not a lot, but some. No unusual cramping. I called Dr. H's office and got a nice, reassuring nurse who said it's not the end of the world, or even unusual. I guess sometimes, the old blood from whenever (maybe the transfer) decides to come out. She said my numbers were beautiful, high even (and mentioned that freaky freaky word: twins), so she thought it was nothing to worry about. I also had a raging yeast infection, so we figured out what I could do for that (monistat 3). She said that I should take to bed rest, anyway, so I spent my Sunday (mostly) on the couch.

I got up feeling chipper and less itchy and nothing when I wiped except monistat. I had grand plans to ride in, work out, and have a normal Monday. But then, later I peed and there was more spotting. Not bright red, not brown, but pink. Not a lot, but some. I decided not to ride, or work out, but went into work anyway.

I've spend the day back-and-forth to the bathroom, checking and checking. There's still some, not bright red, not a lot. I'm counting the minutes until I can escape, go home, and back on the couch.


I started feeling nauseated today. Not sure if it's the dreaded "morning" sickness or just anxiety.

140

Don't tell Dr. H, but my HR got up over 140 on my ride to work yesterda. And today. Both times, up to 149, before I noticed, slowed down, and tried to slow my breathing. Both times, the exact same place (bridge approach on the east side of the Hawthorne Bridge).

The good news is that it came down quickly and my HR was over 140 for maybe 20-30 seconds. But still. Big no-no. And even more so, since it was ego-driven (trying to keep up with someone who started out slowly - I didn't want to get stuck behind - and then picked up speed - I didn't realize how much faster they were going).

Good thing I'm wearing my HRM, eh?

sometimes i forget

I'm not really having any symptoms of pregnancy, aside from the boob soreness and occasional cramping from "down there" (both of which I've had since starting the progesterone the week before transfer), so I sometimes forget and then realize "hey, I'm pregnant". I think the disbelief has set in and won't be back until April 3, when we have the first ultrasound. (An aside - I took another look at the information we got from Dr. H and it says to expect light cramping - like your period is about to start - during the first trimester. So, that's a relief.)

I am suffering from bloating and constipation - and weight gain! Jeez, that shouldn't happen for another 8 weeks. I suspect some of it is the water (and other) retention and some of it is the two-week exercise break, but I'm feeling a little anxious about it nonetheless. Now that I'm back to cycle-commuting and weight training and elliptical pounding, I hope (all) things will start moving downward.

still pregnant?

I spent the weekend reading up on what to expect at this stage of the game. I also learned that, contrary to what we thought, our due date is not 40 weeks from March 1, but actually 40 weeks from February 14 (approximately). So, instead of a pre-Xmas baby, we're probably looking at one born on or near my birthday. AKA, a Thanksgiving baby. Oy. (My birthday is the day after my dad's, so I know about this particular pain.)

I also spent the weekend (and today), wondering "am I still pregnant?". My boobs hurt and my ute sometimes makes crampy. But, it's been like that since I started the progesterone shots. I thought I'd be able to tell for sure if I miscarry, but the hormones basically keep you pregnant unless you stop. Agh! This is so very hard.

The next doctor visit is scheduled for April 3. Ultrasound. We'll find out if we've got one....or two!

Today, I started feeling a wee bit queasy, but nothing specific. Not really nausea, just... I don't know, different. I'm trying to eat small healthy snacks every 2 hours just in case.

Today is the day I also got back on my bike. I rode to work and worked out (with lighter weights and higher reps). Felt pretty good, but realized that I should start eating beforehand.