and still

I'm still spotting. Very light, almost non-existant. But still. In the morning, when I get up, there's nothing. But 10 minutes later, a splotch of light brown/almost orange on my panty liner. And then virtually nothing the rest of the day. And, no cramps (aside from the weird, shifting-around feeling I've had for weeks). It's not freaking me out as much as before, but I wish it would stop. One possibility is that both embryos might have implanted (based on the high beta numbers), but one didn't make it.

I had a migraine yesterday morning. I was walking downtown and there it was, the visual distortion at the edge of my vision, the telltale sign of impending migraines. I'm lucky in that they aren't usually very painful. Just the visual disturbance that gets larger and larger, then goes away, followed by a low-grade ache in my head. This one was so mild (compared to say, kicking caffeine) that I didn't even need the Tylenol. I haven't had a migraine for years, so I looked it up and, sure enough, migraines can increase during pregnancy.

I decided to ride in and get a little exercise this morning. I haven't done anything since Sunday and the start of the spotting trauma. I hopped on my bike and oh! I still feel kind of funky from the raging yeast infection (I finished the medication on Tuesday night). Oh, please let this go away!

Ultrasound on Monday. Fingers crossed.

anxiety

Yesterday, I started spotting. Dark brown. Not a lot, but some. No unusual cramping. I called Dr. H's office and got a nice, reassuring nurse who said it's not the end of the world, or even unusual. I guess sometimes, the old blood from whenever (maybe the transfer) decides to come out. She said my numbers were beautiful, high even (and mentioned that freaky freaky word: twins), so she thought it was nothing to worry about. I also had a raging yeast infection, so we figured out what I could do for that (monistat 3). She said that I should take to bed rest, anyway, so I spent my Sunday (mostly) on the couch.

I got up feeling chipper and less itchy and nothing when I wiped except monistat. I had grand plans to ride in, work out, and have a normal Monday. But then, later I peed and there was more spotting. Not bright red, not brown, but pink. Not a lot, but some. I decided not to ride, or work out, but went into work anyway.

I've spend the day back-and-forth to the bathroom, checking and checking. There's still some, not bright red, not a lot. I'm counting the minutes until I can escape, go home, and back on the couch.


I started feeling nauseated today. Not sure if it's the dreaded "morning" sickness or just anxiety.

140

Don't tell Dr. H, but my HR got up over 140 on my ride to work yesterda. And today. Both times, up to 149, before I noticed, slowed down, and tried to slow my breathing. Both times, the exact same place (bridge approach on the east side of the Hawthorne Bridge).

The good news is that it came down quickly and my HR was over 140 for maybe 20-30 seconds. But still. Big no-no. And even more so, since it was ego-driven (trying to keep up with someone who started out slowly - I didn't want to get stuck behind - and then picked up speed - I didn't realize how much faster they were going).

Good thing I'm wearing my HRM, eh?

sometimes i forget

I'm not really having any symptoms of pregnancy, aside from the boob soreness and occasional cramping from "down there" (both of which I've had since starting the progesterone the week before transfer), so I sometimes forget and then realize "hey, I'm pregnant". I think the disbelief has set in and won't be back until April 3, when we have the first ultrasound. (An aside - I took another look at the information we got from Dr. H and it says to expect light cramping - like your period is about to start - during the first trimester. So, that's a relief.)

I am suffering from bloating and constipation - and weight gain! Jeez, that shouldn't happen for another 8 weeks. I suspect some of it is the water (and other) retention and some of it is the two-week exercise break, but I'm feeling a little anxious about it nonetheless. Now that I'm back to cycle-commuting and weight training and elliptical pounding, I hope (all) things will start moving downward.

still pregnant?

I spent the weekend reading up on what to expect at this stage of the game. I also learned that, contrary to what we thought, our due date is not 40 weeks from March 1, but actually 40 weeks from February 14 (approximately). So, instead of a pre-Xmas baby, we're probably looking at one born on or near my birthday. AKA, a Thanksgiving baby. Oy. (My birthday is the day after my dad's, so I know about this particular pain.)

I also spent the weekend (and today), wondering "am I still pregnant?". My boobs hurt and my ute sometimes makes crampy. But, it's been like that since I started the progesterone shots. I thought I'd be able to tell for sure if I miscarry, but the hormones basically keep you pregnant unless you stop. Agh! This is so very hard.

The next doctor visit is scheduled for April 3. Ultrasound. We'll find out if we've got one....or two!

Today, I started feeling a wee bit queasy, but nothing specific. Not really nausea, just... I don't know, different. I'm trying to eat small healthy snacks every 2 hours just in case.

Today is the day I also got back on my bike. I rode to work and worked out (with lighter weights and higher reps). Felt pretty good, but realized that I should start eating beforehand.

ban on pilates

One of the problems with being a regular exerciser is that everyone in the gym (and Pilates class) misses you when you stay away. Earlier this week, my instructor called to see if I was OK and this morning, at the gym, several people were wondering how I was (or whether I'd moved away abruptly). I said something vague about bronchitis and hoped for the best.

But I really want to go back to Pilates, so I came clean with my instructor. She wanted the OK from Dr. H, so I checked in. "No Pilates for now, maybe later" was the response. Damn! This is going to be really hard.

I worked out this morning, but backed it off and did a minimum of cardio. I hope it's OK. I just can't fathom the next 38 weeks with no exercise.

At lunch, I went out and bought 4 books: one on Pilates during pregnancy, one on general pregnancy fitness, one of those week-by-week descriptions, and one for the Mr. Good thing we're going to the beach this weekend. We've got lots of reading to do.

blastosphere

blas·to·sphere
An early embryonic form produced by cleavage of a fertilized ovum and consisting of a spherical layer of cells surrounding a fluid-filled cavity. Also called blastula.

cautiously optimistic

Blood test for second beta this morning: 541. Almost a perfect doubling from Tuesday's 242. So, we are cautiously optimistic.

We saw Dr. H on the way out of the clinic. He was beaming in that way that only he can beam. "Congratulations", he smiled before getting into the elevator.

This evening, I sat with DLS (from work) on the bus on the way home. We talked about knitting and baby sweaters and babies. She asked after EJ and her twins. I showed her the sweater I'm doing for PS. She said "All these people having babies who I never thought would." A pause, and then she said "Are you next?" I wasn't sure what to say, so I smiled and said "maybe".

It might be my imagination, but all week, people have been smiling at me. Is it just that I'm smiling with my secret news? Or is there something to that idea of a pregnant "glow"?